The words that this book brings to mind are "refreshing, candid, and honest". This was very different from most of the parenting books out there, but mostly that's a good thing. I won't say I agreed with everything in the entire book - the author seems to have a view that we need to just accept that our kids may grow up with different values than ours, and I do take some issue with that.
I think this book can be summed up in a couple of phrases: It's okay to say no to your kids. It's okay to question the 'parenting experts'. YOU are the parent, and yes, authority comes naturally with that position.
You might also be interested in reading Betsy Hart on why she wrote 'It Takes a Parent' (Aug. 22, 2005)
I've posted some quotes from the book here, things that I noted as I was reading it. You can find this book on Amazon (new, used, or Kindle) if you'd like to read others' reviews or order a copy for yourself.
Our children are born into a world that is bent on capturing their hearts and minds, and most certainly not for their good. Yes, I think the world is full of good things, and I don't think we have to shut the culture out as much as we have to help our kids think rightly about it. But there is no question that the world seeks to win our children over to its way of thinking and behaving, and the world does not love our children. We do. (pg 23)
At times, we all fail as parents...we may have failures along the way, but they need not be fatal. In fact, if we understand our mission to persevere in our children's lives, those failures can encourage us to redouble our efforts toward the larger goal we are pursuing. (pg 37)
If we regularly train our children to let their passions rule them - whether it's something as awful as attacking a teacher or as ordinary as throwing macaroni and cheese across the table or rolling eyes in disgust at Mom or Dad - it's a good bet that at moments of testing, in large ways or small, these children will not be portraits of courage. (pg 45)
A parent who understands that he has authority because he's the parent has the confidence to use that authority for his child's good and to show his child that it's for his good. (pg 55)
[regarding the so-called 'Twixters'] If we as a culture don't encourage young adults to grow up and embrace real responsibilities, both for themselves and especially to others, we rob them of the chance to become tangibly connected to the web of the community around them, to become part of something bigger than just themselves at a crucially important time in their lives. An "all about me" world can, in the end, be pretty lonely. (pg 78)
[regarding the 'self esteem' movement] Is "I'm happy because I'm absolutely terrific as I am" the kind of happiness we want our children's future spouses to have? Encouraging kids to feel terrific about themselves just as they are can have some pretty unappealing consequences. (pg 95)
Developing a conscience can be a painful thing. But helping our children do so is imperative to our rescue mission in their lives. It is, after all, that bad feeling - or conscience - that over time helps a child stop the particular bad behavior, not just because of the possible pain of punishment, but also because it causes pain to his heart. Yes, the process may hurt, but it shapes the child's character and very humanity. (pg 109)
This, I think, is the tragedy: minor behavioral problems are attributed to tiredness, hunger, or frustration, but not to the heart. Major behavioral problems are attributed to a malfunction in the brain, but not to the heart. ... The parenting culture is loath to understand that many behavioral problems come from the heart. And that is a tragedy to the extent it keeps parents from better reaching the hearts of their children. (pg 118)
[regarding saying NO] Allowing children, even young children, to experience adversity or discontent or to have their wills crossed not only creates more peace and less exhaustion for parent and child, but also allows children to grow in the richness of what it means to be a human being, and prepares them just a bit for the road ahead of them. (pg 131)
[regarding giving children choices] Children are not born with wisdom. Wisdom is gained only through experience of through the experience of watching or learning from others and being able to apply that experience to ourselves. These things require maturity, and they require parents, and other adults, who are willing to properly interpret such experiences for children. (pg 145)
We may thing that feeling righteous anger is a throwback to a judgmental past and that refusing to make value judgments is "enlightened". But really, such a view just deadens our own souls to the power of sin and keeps us from extending true compassion to the people who need it most, in a way that can help them most - by understanding that their struggle is not with some pathology but with sin itself. (pg 193)
Reasoning with our kids is exactly where we hope to get with successful discipline. It means thinking through the misbehavior, why it's serious, how it affected others, helping our children understand how it affected their hearts. ... The entire point of our actions is to help shape our child's heart so that it responds to wisdom and rejects foolishness, so that it's a heart that is in the habit of obedience, and honoring Mom and Dad. (pg 207)
... our children are not the fragile hothouse flowers we've been led to believe. They might benefit greatly from learning that they are not the center of the universe, and we parents might also benefit greatly from realizing that our children don't have to be. (pg 219)
You are the parent, you have a unique authority in your child's life, and you really do know better than your child. This is why you have the authority and the calling in your child's likfe to persevere and pursue a rescue mission for his heart. (pg 226)
